Beneath the Waves

I just came back from arguably my favorite place on earth, Hawaii. 

Growing up, my family had a few destinations we rotated for summer vacations. At the top of that list was always Disneyland, Hawaii, and Pinecrest Lake (camping). Still to this day, those are some of my favorite places to go back to. They are full of nostalgia and wonderful memories. 

As I’ve gotten older, I've fallen more in love with Hawaii. For me, it’s about the natural beauty, being outside the whole day, the speed of life over there –often referred to as “island time”– the cuisine, and… the ocean. 

I didn’t really grow up a “beach girl”. Mostly because the beach was always at least 2 hours away from where we lived. We visited Santa Cruz and San Luis Obispo a handful of times, but I don’t have too many memories of being in the water unless it was chlorinated.  

When I went to college, my university happened to be 20 minutes from the beach. I spent significantly more time at the shoreline during those 4 years but can count on one hand the number of times I actually got in the ocean. I politely declined offers to learn to surf from friends. Most of my beach trips were to watch the sunset or to sit on the sand and watch the waves crash a few yards in front of me. Most of the time, I rationalized that the water was too cold for a swim. Sometimes I just didn’t want to get my face or hair wet. 

It wasn’t until after I moved back home to the Bay Area that I started to think about the ocean differently. I realized a lot of the content creators I followed were “beach girls”. My favorite videos to watch were sunrise swims, beach picnics, tropical vacations, and lifestyle vlogs of girls who lived in Florida or Southern California. 

Maybe I was just being influenced, but for some reason, I found myself really wanting to like the ocean. I knew for whatever reason, I didn’t. 

So in 2024, when my family went to Maui, I decided I was going to dunk in the ocean every morning. No matter what we were doing that day, I would swim at least once. And I did. For 8 days straight, I swam in the ocean. Every morning.

Yes, I wanted to teach myself to like the ocean. But I also discovered something else. I feared it a bit. For no reason other than lack of familiarity, I was a bit scared every time I got in the water past my waist. 

I think like most things, the ocean had become scary simply because it felt unknown. I knew what lived in the ocean, but I didn’t know which beaches were homes to which sea creatures, which sea creatures were actually dangerous, and what to do/not do in the water to keep me safe. 

Out in the open water, I felt fully surrounded and completely out of control. Out of my element, intrusive thoughts of being attacked from below or behind flickered to my mind frequently. But here’s the thing. I knew they were irrational fears. Are there dangers in the ocean? Yes, of course. But there are dangers on land, too. The difference is, I know a lot more about land animals–where they live, which ones are dangerous, and even what to do if I encounter one. But sharks, dolphins, turtles, fish, and the hundreds of other animals I could encounter in the ocean felt completely foreign. 

I’ll admit, I’m still not fully confident when I go out for a swim. I still scan my surroundings and enter slowly. But I believe that every time I go all the way in, I’m breaking down a little piece of that irrational fear. 

And one day, I won’t hesitate at the chance to jump into a wave. 

Fast forward to two weeks ago, my family returned to Hawaii for a summer vacation. I decided I’d challenge myself to do the same thing as last time. For 13 days in a row, I dunked in the ocean. This time, I thought about how conquering this feeling of unfamiliarity drew a really beautiful parallel to my faith. 

God often calls us into unfamiliar waters, inviting us to swim into the unknown. Every time I got in the water, I thought about putting my trust in God. He’d keep me safe. And even if I did end up getting hurt, I knew I’d be ok. I didn’t want to sit something out just because I didn’t know what was going to happen. I thought about how many times in the past I let a super silly reason keep me from going all in. 

On this trip, I made a quiet decision: I wasn't going to let little inconveniences keep stealing big moments. If my freshly washed hair got salty, I'd simply wash it again. If my mascara ran, I'd wipe it away. If sunscreen left my skin feeling sticky, I'd rinse it off before bed. None of those things were worth missing a swim, a sunny afternoon, or a memory. Something as simple as diving beneath the waves was teaching me to choose the experience over the excuse.

I think we'd all agree the ocean is beautiful from the shore. The steady rhythm of the waves has a way of quieting anxious thoughts. The salty air feels like a deep breath for the soul. And something about the endless horizon gently reminds us how small our worries really are.

But the ocean was never meant to be admired only from a distance. There is an entirely different kind of beauty waiting in the water—one I don't ever want to take for granted again.

I'm learning to love the ocean, and I think, in some really beautiful ways, it's teaching me to love life itself.

Maybe for you, it's not the ocean. Maybe there are different little "yeses" for you to make. I hope you'll join me in choosing the experience over the excuse, because life's sweetest moments are so often waiting just beyond our smallest hesitations.

Remember, you are loved by God, wonderfully made, and beautifully you. Don’t let someone else’s voice speak louder than what’s true.

Until next time…

hugs,

Kylie